Assdaq Panic Pills · Candy Placebos

Before jumping out the window when the market falls, pop a couple of these pills instead. As your stock plummets and your heart rate rises, remember that money isn't everything. DIRECTIONS: Take pills according to market losses. For each ten points loss, take one pill. NOTE: If there aren't enough pills in this bottle to cover your margins, buy more of our pills - if you have any money left!